**Chakotay**
Between the two of us, we’ve discovered many things. One, Kathryn is very sexual. I don’t think she realized how sexual she truly was. Erogenous zones everywhere. Any little thing she’d consider a flaw, I lavish attention on. The mole, for instance. I love it. It’s just there, standing out, begging for attention.
I asked permission. To assume anything would betray the trust we’ve carefully woven between us. I can’t imagine Kathryn ever having done this, allowing such breach of herself. But she asked me to show her to love again. There are so many ways to love one another.
I haven’t even touched her and her head is thrown back, her hands clenching at her bedspread. So sensual, so exquisite, that’s my Kathryn. To see her let go like this, give into her feelings, makes me feel alive along with her. I would have waited a lifetime, if necessary, but she doesn’t make me wait.
Drawing this out, makes it more worth it. I know how long it has been since she’s been intimate, I know she’s frightened. I don’t want to add to that, so I want her to make the decision. If she had wanted straight love making, I would have given it to her. But she allows me this.
I’m not sure how to describe her. Smooth, fragrant. Incredibly beautiful. I have yet to find a spot on her that I don’t love. I spread her gently, wanting to give her a release. I know she hasn’t with anyone in five years. How frustrating it must be for her to not feel the passion that I know she has in her, watching everyone else become lovers. I will not let her down, I will love her like no other. I blow upon her most sensitive area, watching her arch her back off the bed. That one little act of passion makes me remember why I love her. The little things.
I touch her once with my tongue, and watch the muscles on the inside of her thigh tighten. I hear her take a deep intake of air, then sigh. Then, I know she’s all right with this. She tastes sweet, almost like what she bathes in. Very pleasing. I continue, using different methods to satisfy her, using her reactions as cues on how to continue. It’s never been about me, this is about her. What she needs.
I use my hands, my mouth, to elicit the feelings she needs to release. She moves against me, making her own pressure, her own friction. I stroke her, lightly, more hard. A combination of touches and pressure seem to fit her. As my fingers play against her, I inspect the inside of her thighs. The skin is so soft, delicate. I kiss along them, biting gently, leaving little marks.
Carefully, I insert a finger into her, testing the waters. She cries out, but not in pain. That is what I was afraid of, that she’d been without intimacy for so long, that I’d hurt her. But, that doesn’t seem to be a problem. I add another, stretching her a little more. Her muscles contract around me, holding me in her. My hands begin mimicking what my lower body wants to do with her. I press my other thumb against the nub of nerves, then slowly blow air across her heat, never relenting on my movements against her.
I can feel her tightening against my fingers and I know she’s close. I can only guess, since she knows her body better then I do. My guess is correct. It is intense, pulling her up almost to a sitting position. She cries out, passion coloring her voice. I drink of her essence, knowing that I did this to her. Then she says something that brings a tear to my eye.
"Chakotay," she whispers.
In the still of the night.
**Kathryn**
It was my first orgasm. He gives it to me, without intercourse. I feel like my body is singing, to his music. All the different things he did to me. I’m glad he’s the one to do this to me.
"Chakotay," I whisper as I come down from that high. The first of many, I’m sure. He begins kissing his way back up my stomach, again finding my breasts and giving them the attention they’d been deprived of when he giving me other pleasure. Accomplishing that task, he continues up my neck, placing delicate kisses along my jaw. His lips find me again, and I taste myself upon his lips. My first reaction is of revulsion, but I quickly realize that if he could do it, I could as well.
My hands are restless against him. Partially, I think in response to what’s just happened to me. I can’t stop moving. That release woke me; now every part of my body is screaming for attention.
I knew it would be like this. Knowing if I ever let him in, I wouldn’t let go. I’ve never been one to grasp onto a man, feeling he’ll leave me. But this feeling is so intense. His act showed me the level of love he feels. I love him for it.
Now I can’t stop touching him. I put my arms under his, coming up to grasp his shoulders from behind, pulling him against me. I feel again the evidence of his arousal, and it’s causing more tremors to go through me. I’m still too sensitive to truly enjoy it, so I begin trying to return the favor.
I begin at his forehead, where his tattoo lie, tracing it with my fingernail. I know he’s looking at me, but I resist the urge to look in his eyes. One word makes me look up at him, squarely.
"Kathryn." I look into his eyes then, and see myself as he sees me. Why am I so in tune to him? Why do I feel like I know his thoughts?
"No, let me," I tell him softly. I press him to my body, allowing the connection to establish itself. Now, instead of using my fingernail, I use my mouth; placing delicate little kisses against it, tracing my tongue around the black lines. I hate to see the fine lines of gray coloring his black hair. But it thrills me, adding to the sexiness he invites.
I kiss down along his temple, down his cheek, along his jaw. I baptize every inch of his face, saving those lips of his until last. I raise myself to his level, pressing my lips against his, opening them to allow me in. I again taste myself on him, and realize that it is not that unpleasent. He gives, I take; I give, he takes. A silent mutual understanding. It’s hot, passionate.
I bury my face against his neck, inhaling his scent. It reminds me of so many things. Like a cold February day, when everything is frozen and the sun is out in a blue sky. Or like a fall afternoon when you have piles of burning leaves and the sound of condensation hitting the dead leaves on the ground. He smells like home.
I am truly ready for him now.
In the still of the night.
*Chakotay**
She buries her nose against my neck, inhaling and letting out a contented sigh. I feel her lips against my neck , relishing in the feel of her acceptance. She hasn't' stopped moving since her climax. She writhes as I move against her sensitive sex. I'll be damned if I can't feel her smiling against me.
I ache for her, wanting us to be truly as one. Heart, soul, body. We've laid claim to two, now it's time for the third. But I don't know if she's ready or not.
"I don't know how much longer I can wait," I say, quickly.
"Don't," Kathryn says, looking again into my face. She is so striking, her smile contagious. I feel one of her hands leave my shoulder and begin a mission. Surprises the hell out of me when she grabs onto me, her warm little hand surrounding me.
"Kathryn!" I hiss. It's almost more then I can take.
"No," she says. She hasn't taken away her eyes from mine. "Guide me, show me the way. Make us one."
Slowly, I reach a hand down and find hers. This is incredible. Both of us, guiding me into her. I hesitate, barely within her, asking the question with my eyes.
'You have my permission.' her eyes tell me. Her body responds as well. Kathryn pushes her hips up, allowing me to slide into her. For a moment, I can't breathe. The two hands that guided me; mine and hers, now entwine together, never letting go. I now understand the saying, 'like sliding into fine oil.'
Bodies as one, hands and fingers entwined, eyes focused on only the other. I begin making love to my Kathryn.
In the still of the night.
**Kathryn**
That was the most daring I’ve ever been. Reaching down, guiding him into me. But I wanted more then that. I wanted to share the experience with him. When his hand closed over mine, I knew that things were never going to be the same for me.
He hesitated, his tip barely penetrating me. Giving me a chance to say no. I’ve come this far, sharing with him what no other man has been given, by me. I looked him in the eye, conveying my message. The man read my mind.
And into me he slid, burying himself to the hilt. I feel my inside stretch to accommodate him. For the first time, with regards to sex, it didn’t hurt. I almost expected it to, considering how long it had been since I made love. Our hands, entwined, holding like a lifeline, squeezing, showing affirmation. I realize he’s holding his breath. I can only guess at what this must be like for him. Chakotay is the patient one, the one who waited, the one who has asked permission at every turn and action.
It’s amazing, this feeling. First, him. He’s inside me, in more ways then one. My head, my soul, heart, now my body. Not an unwanted intruder. Very welcome, very desired. I feel our pubic hair mesh, entwining as our bodies have. I suppress a giggle at that thought. Actually, it tickles, but this matter can be laughed at later, together. He stays, not moving. I think he’s close, because it looks like he’s concentrating on something else; to bring him back down.
I move my right leg, bringing my foot to the inside of his leg and sliding it up his leg, weaving us even closer together. His one arm, that isn’t claimed by mine, pulls me closer to him. I feel his breath in my ear. His voice whispers to me.
"I love you so much." I close my eyes at the words, knowing how deep the meaning truly goes. Kissing his cheek, I hold him, my hand splayed across his back. He turns his head and kisses me again and again. Each one more urgent, forceful then the last. As our lips press, open, recede; our bodies begin to dance.
Out. In. Long and slow, deep. My hips and pelvis keep rhythm with his. I add a bit of circular movement, allowing me to rub against his pelvis, allowing a slow build to begin. Chakotay keeps a steady motion, yet never predictable. The friction within me is pleasurable. I never thought of love making as enjoyable. This truly is.
His breathing changes. Our mouths mimic our bodies. Again, I feel the rise within me. It is something that’s truly hard to describe. I once overheard B’Elanna say it was like a major adrenaline rush. Not with me. It’s like being tickled inside, where you can’t scratch. It’s a release like stretching your whole body from head to toe. But even that doesn’t describe it.
Faster, harder, deeper. I meet him thrust for thrust. I know I’m making sounds that I can’t describe as I begin entering the final stage. The itch is getting stronger, moving through my body. My breathing changes and I arch my neck back. Chakotay’s lips are on my neck immediately, not allowing the contact to break. I hear him making noises as well, whispering against my skin. It sounds like something in the language of his home, but I’m not sure. I’ll try and remember to ask him later.
Bringing my head back up, I meet his eyes evenly. It’s begun. No turning back. I feel my inner muscles clench at him, my thighs pressing hard against his hips. We stare into each others eyes. No words are spoken, just the frantic movements of two people who have waited an eternity for this. It begins.
My body tightens. As I feel his release deep within me, my muscles relax, contract, sending the thrill through my entire body. His own climax makes me think of warm summer rain. The hardness I’ve grown accustomed to, begins to soften.
Chakotay accomplished what I asked of him. He’s shown me how to make love, accept love, give love. I register that we’ve not stopped looking into each others eyes. Not even the culmination of our passion has released the grip our eyes have for each other. Our hands are still clenched tightly.
My muscles still contract with the intensity of my orgasm. I smile up at him and he takes a hand and brushes his fingers feather light over my face. I reciprocate, dancing my fingers over his. He begins to pull out. I’m not ready for that.
"No," I tell him, my voice cracks as I pull him against me. "I’m not ready to break this connection, Chakotay. Let me hold you within me."
"It’d be my pleasure," he says. He remains within me. I snuggle him closer to me, relishing the feel of his entire body.
Two have become one.
In the still of the night.
**Chakotay**
I lie there, cradled against Kathryn's body. I'm still in her body. She wasn't ready for me to withdraw. I'm happy to remain just where I am. I don't want to move from this safe haven created within her arms. Never, has making love been so satisfying, enjoyed. Yet it was much more then that. Watching her eyes at that one magical moment, when we flew together. I've never done that before, never had any desire to do it before; maybe it's because I love her.
I was so close when I entered her. All these years of waiting, had almost driven me beyond the edge as far as sex was concerned. But when I thought of her pleading eyes, her grabbing my hand and placing it on her breast, her affirmation spoken with no words. I began thinking of anything to stop the rush crashing upon me.
She moved her leg and brought her foot up along the inside of my leg. Just one simple move, yet was more erotic then anything any of my former lovers had done. I couldn't help but pull her closer, pressing as much of ourselves to each other as possible.
I couldn't help but tell her I loved her, so much that I couldn't really say anything else. Is there really any other word with more meaning then love? Her response was to pull me even closer, her lips brushing my cheek. Her hand caressed my back, bringing forth some of the most giving I've ever received. I kissed her then, molding my mouth to hers, feeling the lips that smiled at me often. Each break and new kiss became deeper, more insistent. We went the distance, allowing our mouths to begin the dance before our bodies did.
I did my best to find a rhythm that worked. I once again thought of Kathryn and what she needed. She wanted me to show her how to love again, to show her the meaning of love. But I couldn't find a rhythm. Each move, each thrust, dictated by her movements and her breathing, became important. She only added to the movement, moving her hips in a circular movement, allowing her to receive more pleasure. But as I said before, this isn't about me, it's about a woman who's believed she's lost the capacity to love.
Our mouths began mirroring our lower bodies. I knew she was building up, by the way her muscles clenched at me, gripping me mercilessly, then relaxing. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer. I thrust into her harder, deeper, filling her endlessly. And she kept up with me, matching me thrust for thrust. I've never known a woman to get so into love making. Kathryn is alive below me. Her breathing changed, allowing me to find she's near the edge again. She arched her neck, so far back I think she could have broke it. I pressed my lips quickly to her throat, feeling her moan as well hearing it. I whisper ancient vows and words of love against her, almost not even a whisper. Secret endearments I've never whispered to anyone else.
She brought her head up and met my eyes. I knew it was beginning. Her muscles tightened around me, bringing me even closer to the edge. If Kathryn had been anybody else, I'd say she was trying to milk me dry. I know differently. Her thighs press into my hips, almost to the point of physical pain, but I don't really feel it. Our eyes held onto each other, seeking everything that can not be vocalized, at least not in the eye of passion. I enjoy the feel of her. Beneath the hand that's not entwined with hers, I felt her muscles clench throughout her. Beautiful.
Her body tightens when I finally achieve the height of passion. I felt myself release into her, warming up her inside, giving of myself to the one woman who's never asked for more. For long moments afterwards, I feel her muscles contract, relax, contract again. I was ready to pull out when she told me she wanted to keep the contact.
I roll us over so we're on our sides, so she isn't bearing the brunt of my weight. Her short hair is in disarray, but it looks incredibly sexy. Tousled, out of control. Her fingers trace over my tattoo, my face, down my neck, my chest. She scrapes her fingernails over my nipples, and I get a taste of what it's like for her. I feel her trace down my chest, going lower, around my waist, back up my back. I'm still inside her when I begin to feel myself hardening again. Another first.
Kathryn feels it too. I see a look in her eye, a wicked little gleam I see when she's playing hardball with some Ambassador or about to do some serious ass kicking at pool or velocity. She pushes me over onto my back.
"Kathryn," I say. I know there is surprise in my eyes as well as my face. She continues giving me that wicked grin of hers. As we haven't really changed our body positions other then rolling, on my back, she's straddling me. She slides down my legs so that I slide out of her. I feel detached.
"You can give love, Chakotay. Always you have given me love. Shown me love. Now, it's my turn to return the favor, the love you've given me," she said, meeting me level. I know what she's planning on doing. She kisses me, enduring and full of the love I'd always hoped to see in her.
She kisses my chin, down my throat. Kathryn stops as she reaches my chest and looks up at me. She smiles and silently mouths the words, "I love you."
I love you, too.
In the still of the night.
**Kathryn**
His face showed such disappointment when I pulled away from him, breaking our physical connection. The man has been so generous, I just can't let the night go with seeing to his needs. I tried this once on Mark. He was so predictable when it came to sex. A few kisses, my clothes flung off, my back against whatever surface was available. Totally in the missionary position, not one for experimentation and he'd either be asleep or in the shower. I'd usually end up curling up in a ball, unfulfilled and with tears in my eyes. How could I have ever thought of that as love? I once tried what I was about to do with Chakotay on Mark…forget it. I got as far as his chest when he let out an exasperated sigh and pushed me away and onto my back, finishing as usual.
I start with his lips; those sensuous lips of his that have brought me so much pleasure. I kiss his chin, flicking my tongue in the dimple there. His dimples, god, they make me melt. I trail down his throat and look up at him and mouth the words, "I love you." My hands hold onto his shoulders, his hold onto mine. I graze one of his nipples with my tongue, gaining a sharp intake of air from him. Good. He's receptive.
As he did to me, I lavish attention to his, using my tongue, my teeth, to pleasure him. I wasn't aware that men liked this sort of attention. Giving equal rise to each of them, I continue on my path, down his stomach. I suck at his navel and I watch his stomach contract. Chakotay starts laughing.
I continue down. A fine line of dark hair leads from his naval, down. I follow it, like a path to the greatest of treasures. He's semi erect. I knew he had been when I broke the contact between us. That was an interesting feeling; him growing hard within me.
I kiss around the base, his pubic hair tickling my nose. I cup his sacs, which fill the palm of one hand. I smell myself on him, intermingling with his scent. There really isn't anything that he reminds me of, other then being extremely 'male.' I remember the first time I saw a boyfriend nude-I cracked up. Mark never let me get this close. Chakotay is incredible. He creates feelings in me that aren't describable.
I trace my lips up the length, feeling the contours, acquainting myself with him fully. I pull away when I reach the tip and do what he did to me earlier. I purse my lips together and blow across the tip. Chakotay responds with a groan of pleasure and out of the corner of my eye, I see his hand clench into a fist and release.
I continue my investigation, giving him pleasure and finally indulging in something I've always wanted to do.
"Oh, Kathryn," he says, his voice a strangled whisper.
In the still of the night.
**Chakotay**
By now I should be used to Kathryn and her surprises. Yet this-this is totally unexpected. Truth be told, I didn't expect her to be doing this to me. She has given of herself so freely. But I realize she needs to do this.
As is the place beneath her breasts, she finds my ticklish spot in my naval. I couldn't help but to start laughing. She went further down, her lips tracing a warm trail down my body. Kathryn kisses around the base, cupping me in her small, warm hand. I feel her holding, testing, feeling. Her gentleness is unique. Her scrutiny continues, tracing her lips up my length. I'm surprised when the those delicate lips leave. However, she doesn't leave me for long. Soon enough, I feel her blow air across the head, which in the state I'm in, is quite sensitive. I can't help but to groan with the pleasure. I tighten my hand into a fist, reminiscent of her clenching at the bedspread when I did the same to her.
Eyes closed, I feel the first contact of her mouth, sliding along gently, almost hesitantly. From the way Kathryn's doing this, I think that this is a new experience for her. She makes a strange sound and I realize what's happening.
"Kathryn," I say, trying to take a breath. "Do what's comfortable for you. Allow me to guide you." I lift my head and see her looking at me, the crooked grin crossing her face. She seems to loosen up after I tell her that. As she did, I let my voice tell her what I like. She experiments, finding the different ways to allow us both the pleasure.
But by far the most incredible feeling is the one of her mouth surrounding me. Sliding down, circling, pulling so slightly, teeth grazing slightly as she goes back up. Her fingers dance over me. Kathryn runs her nails gently around, down the inside the thigh. I'm close to climaxing again, but I figure Kathryn knows this, as I feel her mouth leave me. The air hits where her mouth had been, drying, sending chills down my body. Again, she blows across the tip, alternating between warm and cool. I close my eyes at the sensation.
I feel her straddle my body, her thighs again on either side of my hips, her arms on either side of me, her body pressing against mine. I open my eyes to her face, her eyes bright with excitement. I bring my hands up to her hips, sliding them up her torso, down her arms to grasp her hands within mine.
I smile at her, knowing she isn't done with me yet.
In the still of the night.
**Kathryn**
I couldn't finish the job I'd started. Subconsciously, I wasn't ready for it. But by the look on Chakotay's face, he wasn't too disappointed. It was definitely a new sensation. Though my inexperience almost got the better of me. I tried to take him fully in my mouth, and ended up gagging. I was so embarrassed by it. But Chakotay looked up at me and said, "Kathryn, do what's comfortable for you. Allow me to guide you."
Again, he's doing it, allowing me to find my comfort level. Not only does this make it more pleasurable for me, but for him as well. And what a feeling it is. Chakotay in me in a different way. I use his voice, his movements as my guide. He's very responsive to combination of techniques. I'm sure with time, I'll become more proficient, but for now, I want to try something different.
I straddled him, moving my way up his body, pressing mine flush against his. When I can look into his face, his eyes are closed. I wonder if he knows how handsome he is, or if he really even cares about the effect he has on me. He opens his eyes and looks at me. I smile at him, relishing the feel of our bodies against one another.
I feel his hands on my hips, sliding up my to my waist, up my body, down my arms until he has both of my hands entwined with his. I lean my forehead against his, feeling his breath upon my cheek. I stare into his eyes.
No words are spoken between us for a few moments. I want him to be calm when I finish the job I've begun. I knew he was close when I stopped. I don't want this to be fast. I want to savor this part of our adventure. I've always wanted to do this, me on top, but as I said earlier, Mark was a missionary position kind of man. Maybe that was why I was so dissatisfied with sex before; no change from the 'norm'.
I plant little kisses at the side of his mouth. It's amazing what the littlest things will do. Just touching him sends little shocks of feeling through me. I think that's what I've missed the most these past few years. Touch. The feel of another human, holding and hugging for the support. Human biology courses at the academy told us babies needed to be held; the same passes on to the adult.
I sit up suddenly. I can feel him behind me, poking into me, reminding me that he's still there. He keeps his eyes on me, mine on him. Through this entire time, we've rarely strayed from that contact. Windows to a soul.
I raise myself on my knees, positioning myself above him. I have control this time and I seek his permission. He only nods his head in approval as I sink slowly upon him. I let out a deep sigh, one that I feel completely through my being. Since our hands are still entwined, I bring them up to my hips. I don't know why, but I love the feel of his hands on me.
I don't move for a few minutes, again savoring the feel of him within me.
In the still of the night.