Janeway's Got A Gun

By Mindy

DISCLAIMER: 3 score and 2 years ago, our lives were changed forever by Gene Roddenberry. Paramount owns Janeway and Co. The holodecks, Sandrines and other various items in the Delta Quadrant. (They can keep the Kazon!) "Janies Got a Gun" belongs to Aerosmith. I play in the Delta Quadrant for the Alpha is too wildly explored, the Gamma has that despicable founders and hey. . .what about the Beta Quadrant. Huh? Oh well.

Tom Paris had been thinking. He wanted to show everyone how he felt about recent events and how on more then one occasion, captain Janeway had saved . . .to quote Seven, their collective butts. He went through the music database and had found the perfect song.

Dark, deep, mysterious.

And fitting his compression phaser rifle totting captain to a 't'.

**1800 Saturday Night. . .Holodeck Two. . .Piano Man Repretoire at Sandrine's**

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, I have a special surprise." He looked around, leveling his eyes on his captain. "In our midst is a woman with many talents and tastes. From coffee to strawberries, to bad holonovels featuring men with bad taste in sideburns." General giggling from the assembled crowd. Tom continued.

"Clay scultpures, painting, bad taste in jazz." Another uproar of giggles filtered through the room.

"Captain Janeway, this one's for you." He sat behind his piano. "Computer, begin Paris/aerosmith Alpha 2."

Long haired musicians appeared, along with a bunch of stringed instruments. Deep music began to surge through the holodeck.

Dum, dum, dum Kathy what have you done?
Dum, dum, dum It's the sound of my gun
Dum, dum, dum Kathy what have you?
Dum, dum, dum It's the sound. . .

(Janeway's eyes grow real big)
Janeway's got a gun
Janeway's got a gun
Whole quads come undone
From lookin' straight at the sun
What did the alien do?
What have they put you through?
They said when Janeway came back a 'packin
They found him in the cargo bay
But man he had it commin'
Now that Janeway's got a gun, she ain't never gonna be the same.

(Janeway begins looking for an escape)
Janeway's got a gun
Janeway's got a gun
Her bad day's just begun
Now every Kazon is on the run
Tell me now it's untrue
What did that Cullah do?
He smacked her little bitty betsey
That ass has got to be insane
They say the spell that she was under, the lightning and the thunder
Knew that Betsey had to stop the rain.

(Chakotay looks at Janeway, who's cheeks are now redder then her uniform)
Fire away, fire away, from the hip
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Fire away, fire away from the hip
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Fire away, fire away, fire, fire away

Janeway's got a gun
Janeway's got a gun
Her 'nice' days are long gone
Now every alien is on the run
What did that Cullah do?
Is it Janeway's last I.O.U?
She had to hunt them down the hardway and put a blast through his brain
She said 'cause no one messes with me'
“Cullah’s such a sleaze, he ain't ever going to be the same.

(Janeway begins quietly sliding toward the exit)

*repeat the fire away part*

**just humor me, okay**

Janeway's got a gun
Janeway's got a gun
Janeway's got a gun
Every alien is on the run

Tom finishes with a bang (bad pun). Everyone looks around for the captain, and realizes that she isn't there anymore. Everyone applauds loudly then notices something rather strange.

In the chair where Janeway once sat, a compression phaser rifle now took up residence.

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