Disclaimer: Paramount owns ‘em. Is it my fault I make up this stuff.

Dedicated to my mother who sat there as I came up with this.

"The Seven B’s"

By Mindy

"No-no don’t tell me. Seven words…first word…two syllables…sounds like…bumble? Bumble bee?"

B’Elanna shook her head frantically, her eyes widening as each of her crew mates tried to figure out what the object was.

B’Elanna finally pantomimed herself unscrewing a lid, pulling out something and blowing.

"I know, I know," Harry chirped, bouncing up and down on the chair. "Putting the glue on Tom’s toupee!"

Tom jabbed Harry painfully in the side, eliciting a small yelp from Harry, who began rubbing the spot.

"I know. Bubble. B’Elanna is blowing bubbles!" Kathryn Janeway said, very cool and collected as she sipped her coffee. B’Elanna smiled, then held up two fingers. "Second word, one syllable…"

B’Elanna turned around and pointed to her rear. All the men started howling at this, tears actually coming from the eyes of Harry. Chakotay sat with his head downcast, shaking his head and smiling widely.

"It is the gluteus…," Doc began.

"One word, doctor, not two." Tuvok stated, sitting up straight and with his index fingers steepled.

"Butt!" Tom yelled. B’Elanna again nodded her head and continued.

"Third word, one syllable…"

B’Elanna crouched down, then stood up. She did this a few times.

"Leap?" Neelix asked, looking around at the others, wiping his hands on his jacket. B’Elanna shook her head vigorously. Then, she put her index and thumb very close together. Then, she widened her arms, showing a difference, emphasizing the last movement of her arms spread apart.

"Big." Tuvok said, raising an eyebrow.

B’Elanna looked at Chakotay, who was adding the information into his padd. "Bubble, butt, big. . .four words left," Chakotay said, watching her. "Next word, one syllable…"

B’Elanna smiled, turning her head coyly, trying not to laugh. She pointed to the two round bumps on her chest.

"Breasts," Doc said smugly, pleased with his answer. B’Elanna shook her head no. "How can it not be breasts…mammary’s?"

"Cans?" Harry supplied.

"Hooters?" Tom gave, this time, receiving a slap from B’Elanna herself.

"Melons? Jugs?" Chakotay rattled off.

"Boobs." Kathryn said, again taking a sip of coffee. B’Elanna smiled and Chakotay added to the list, shaking his head.

"Well, if you want my opinion, I always thought they were equivalent to the Talaxian Tral bird eggs." Neelix said. Everyone turned and looked at him, and his eyes took on a sad look. "Did I say something wrong?"

For B’Elanna’s next clue, she tugged on her wavy, dark hair.

"Curly?" Kathryn asked. B’Elanna shook her head. "Brown." B’Elanna bounced up and down.

"Blonde," Chakotay answered. He then looked up and saw Seven pass by the door, eagerly tapping things into a padd. Not really saying paying attention, his attention drawn to the padd in front of him, the words clear as day.

"Bubble butt, big-boobed, blonde Borg bimbo."

B’Elanna looked at him, then grinned. "How did you know that?"

"Lucky guess. Observation. Maybe a moment of inspiration from my animal guide. I don’t know. It just popped into my head."

Kathryn quipped up. "It had better be or you’re sleeping in your own quarter’s tonight!" The room suddenly quieted down and every was looking at a wide eyed Kathryn and a red faced Chakotay.

Kathryn started laughing. "I’m kidding. Really, it’s…uh…it’s the one I was supposed to do…but…uhm…I blew it."

B’Elanna folded her arms beneath her breasts and smiled. "Sure, captain. Sure."

Neelix though, was still pondering…

"Bubble butt, big boobed, blonde Borg bimbo…," turning to Harry, "What’s a bimbo?"


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