Chakotay's Logs: Perstistence of Vision
Disclaimer: Paramount may think they own daydreams and hallucinations but I disgress. Maybe only the main characters. But then again, I do fanfic and they don't own my daydreams!

** Personal Logs, Commander Chakotay **

"Persistence of Vision"

By Mindy


We've been through so much in the past few months. It's amazing to me that any of us has managed to keep our sanity.

Especially Kathryn.

She's been so stressed lately. More so, I believe then normal. She's been testy, irritable, short. As first officer, I told her she really needed to relax. She told me bluntly to 'butt out'. So, I brought up command protocol and sent it to the doctor under the guise that he might want to study up on his duties as Chief Medical Officer.

I sure hope it works.

I would like to have the old Kathryn back.

**

She called up to the bridge after visiting engineering and the first attempt to transfer the doctor there. She sounded tired. She told me that Doc had ordered her to run her holodeck program and relax. Her tone indicated that she felt she had no time for fun. But she needed to get away, even if it was just to the holodeck. I told her to have fun.

**

As much as I hated to, I had to disturb her. "Bridge to the captain."

"Freeze program." There was a pause. It sounded as if she were trying to catch her breath. "Janeway here."

"We've been hailed by a representative of the Bolthan government. They'd like to talk to you," I said.

"I'll be right there," she said.

**

As Kathryn entered the bridge, Neelix hit her with all the information that he knew of the Bolthan. She asked the same questions I had asked when Neelix had approached me a while earlier. She'd just sat when Tuvok informed her that we were being hailed. Up like a shot, Kathryn was.

She went through the usual niceties that go with being the captain. The rep of the Bolthan would be letting us through if we met their criteria, (whatever that was and we'd find out when we met them), we could pass through their space. Pretty good, considering we couldn't even see what they looked like.

Kathryn figured it was a move to intimidate us. She gave me the bridge and took Neelix to her ready room, to discuss the matter further. Neelix suggested lunch. Everyone on the bridge silently pleaded with her to do so. She relented and went off with Neelix to the mess hall.

I smiled. Apparently, I wasn't the only one worried about Kathryn.

**

Kathryn ended up in the sickbay. Doc figured stress. She's been seeing things, delusions. And they're getting worse. Doc wants her to stay in sickbay until we find out what's been going on. She summoned me to sickbay.

" . . .He's been doing research. I'll check on them. You'll probably want him on the bridge with you when their ship arrives." Kathryn was in captain mode, even with a condition we couldn't diagnose.

"Good idea," I said. She continued as if I hadn't said a word.

"I'm not sure how Torres and Kim are coming, you know they're trying to find a way to transfer the doctor out of sickbay."

"Yes."

"It's not a priority, but you might want to stay on top of it."

"Of course." She was pacing like a caged tigress.

"Let's see. There was a problem with one of the deflector shields. You'll want to follow up on that." Correction, not pacing, but circling around a cage. This had to be eating her alive. I couldn't help but grin. "And stellar cartography was hoping for a review of their latest report. I think Tuvok wanted to discuss something about weapon storage."

"Captain?" I said, hopefully loud enough to catch her attention. "You've trained your crew well. We'll be able to do without you for a few days. In the meantime, we're continuing diagnostics on all ships systems. There's a reason for what's happening to you and we're not stopping until we find it."

"Thank you, Commander." Kathryn was for the moment, reassured. The doctor wanted her to rest and suggested I go to the bridge.

"Call me if there's anything I can do," I told Kathryn on my way out. I didn't want her to know I was worried about her.

"Just be sure to report to me after you meet the Bolthan," she said as I left.

"Yes, ma'am." I said leaving. I was determined to not let her have the last word.

Get well, Kathryn. We need you too much.

**

Back on the bridge, we were approached by an unidentified ship, which I was presuming to be our welcoming committee in Bolthan space. They were every bit as mysterious as Neelix described.

And for some reason, that scared me.

"They are hailing," Tuvok said.

"On screen."

"Where is your captain?" Not even a hello.

"She's not available right now. I'm Commander Chakotay, the first officer. I can speak for her."

"We observe rather strict protocols. I'd prefer to negotiate with the captain."

"I understand, but she's not able to come to the bridge now. And in her absence, our protocols allow me to assume her place. Our request is the same; we'd like permission to cross through your space. We'll do it as quickly as possible." I hope I was getting through to this guy. Something was tying my stomach in knots. Kathryn was so much better at this then I.

"What kind of weapon systems do you possess?" Trouble?

"I'm not sure why that information is necessary."

"How do I know you're not a heavily armed intruder here to attack our settlements?" Maybe it was a good thing Kathryn wasn't here. She might have just blown them out of the way, the way she's been acting.

"I don't know how to convince you. But we're a peaceful people. If you doubt us . . ." The transmission died. I turned to Tuvok. "What happened?"

"I terminated the transmission, Commander, and made it look like an accidental interruption. I'm concerned about some anomylous readings," Tuvok said. Harry was reading them too. One port, one starboard. Paris said they could have a cloaked ship or two. I ordered him to back off.

They powered up their weapons. I ordered evasive maneuver gamma five. We took a hit knocking our shields down to 87%. They swung around for another attack. Paris worked on evasion. Told Tuvok to get our weapons back on line.

I guess these guys don't take lightly to dealing with second in commands.

"Shields down to 83%," Tuvok said.

"Return fire," I ordered, having enough of this. We got in a direct hit, but didn't penetrate their shields.

Harry then told us there were no life signs on the ships that attacked us.

"There's no crew?" I asked. Very strange indeed.

Harry said they must be automated. Being controlled by the Bolthan ship. I ordered Tuvok to once again return fire. We hit their weapons array, but not enough to disable it. The three ships maneuvered to surround us.

"Get us out of here, Paris," I said.

"I'm trying," he replied.

We were hit again. Time for a mental tally: One highly stressed captain, a race of highly secretive aliens with automated ships. And one first officer quickly becoming pissed.

After this, I may just go to my quarters and quietly fall into hysterics. The last volley took our shields down to 21%. No injuries. I knew when to stop fighting.

"All stop," I ordered. Stop before destroyed.

"The lead ship is hailing us, Commander," Tuvok announced.

"On screen."

"Your ship is damaged and your captain incapacitated." As he was saying this, I heard the lift doors open. I knew immediately who it was. Not much keeps Kathryn down when her ship and crew are in danger. "I will accept your immediate surrender." As he finished, Kathryn stepped down beside me.

"You're not getting one. The captain is fine," Kathryn said.

"I think the battle is over now." The alien rose and came toward the view screen, finally letting us see what it looked like. Two seconds flat I averted my eyes, not wanting to believe what I was seeing. Began old sayings, complex academy equations, anything to not acknowledge what I was seeing.

"Mark," Kathryn gasped. That sure as hell wasn't who I was seeing. That phantom fiancée of hers back home. I thought quickly how 70 years was awfully long to be drooling over some picture of a guy that's probably moved on.

Considering what I was seeing, I went back to those equations. She came out of it momentarily.

"Who do you see on the view screen?" Kathryn asked. I looked anywhere but there and hoped she didn't ask me.

"It's . . .my father," Paris said.

"I see my girlfriend, Libby," Harry replied. Kathryn told him to shut down visual. Harry replied it wouldn't terminate. She started spouting orders to Tuvok, but he wasn't paying attention. Whatever it was, was getting to him, that Vulcan logic failing him. His wife. He wouldn't answer her, gone to whatever fantasy awaited him. Harry came out of it long enough to try to do what Kathryn wanted.

B'Elanna called, saying that everyone was in a stupor down in engineering. She said a massive energy field was being emanated from those ships. Delta waves and psionic properties. Put that all together and it equals trouble. She sent me to engineering to help out B'Elanna. I was only too happy to oblige. Anything to remove myself from the image on the screen. I entered the turbo lift.

That's the last thing I remembered doing for quite sometime.

What did I see?

In deference, I won't divulge names, at least at this time, even in my personal log. Why? Because it was a vision, a vision of a person I admire greatly, someone who's touched me in a way no other has. Someone who has been at the back of my mind.

Believe me, it wasn't what I wanted. No matter how much you wrap it up, it's not real, only fantasy.

And that's what I had to remember. It took all my will power in that vision to not do what I wanted to do. Not this way. If I had, I may never have been able to look this person in the eye again. Not worth that price. A possibility someday . . .maybe a dream, but not under alien influence of some alien with no moral fiber.

When I finally came out of it, the turbo lift was in engineering level and Kathryn was telling me she had done a lock out on the bridge and to get back up there. She'd been in there with me. Probably seeing Mark. I went back to the bridge.

Kes had managed to do the pulse B'Elanna had mentioned, stopping the delusions.

**End Log**



Encrypted Log entry for this episode

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