March 10, 2002.

So, just what is a journal of whatever? It is whatever I feel like putting in here. Or in other words, consider this the great experiment in total brutal honesty and what I really think.

Let's be real, folks. Self-help books are for those of us who sit at our kitchen tables, with the television blaring in the background, eating a half-gallong of ice cream and staring dreamily up and out our window once in a while. Self-help has to begin within...but even that is a load of crap.

Self-help isn't the answer to the myriad of problems we face as human beings. It is a, excuse the language, fucked up society. Think about it...

The american culture is based on just a few things: wealth, power, the beautiful, and the self-righteous morons who want to control every aspect of our lives.

Which leads me, in part, to gripe number one in the journal of whatever: beauty.

There are those out there who believe that beauty is the whole picture, instead of some aspect of it. I personally wish more people thought this way. After all, I belong to the "see food diet" aka, I see it, I eat it. Oh yes, I'm working on that aspect--and lets face it, food is one addiction we can never fully give up. Pity, really.

Ahem, back to the topic at large. It used to be, a mere few hundred years ago that societies larger women were the crem ala crem of society. Bigger women were more stable, able to bear children and were able to take care of themselves. But over the course of those same hundred or more years, look what at where we've arrived.

A curvacious Elizabeth Hurley, spokesmodel for Estee Lauder (or former--hey, we have to replace you with a younger woman in the form of Katherine Zeta-Jones), said that if "she were as big as Marilyn Monroe, she'd have to kill herself."

Right.

This countries ideals of perfection are ridiculous. Plastic surgery, liposuction, breast augmentation, constant hair color changes...all in the name of beauty. It is society. More or less, probably less on them, we see actresses going from little down to nothing--what is after size zero? Toddler wear?

And should you happen to find an overweight celebrity--what happens? You get Momma Cass choking to death on a ham sandwich (rubbish), Carmyn Manheim having a child--and where is daddy? Is there a daddy? Is Carmyn so desperate she went to her local sperm bank?

Overweight people are critized for being self-indulgent, selfish, lazy and other words. Some are. Some are that way because of disease, drug reaction or other problems. That is not to say that there are those who are the self-indulgent, selfish, lazy brutes...

But I put the problem again at society. I'm not just talking about a bit--but a lot. Watch sometime at a resteraunt--watch how some skinny couples (or skinny women) watch an overweight person eat...with an almost self-satisfied smug look on their face.

However, other than the health benefits, I fail to see the support in helping a country that is growing fatter by the day. Does calling someone "fat" "piggy" or any of the other terms really help those who need it...does it make them want to run right out to their local Jenny Craig/Weight Watchers/Diet Centers and sign up. No...

Let's just look at the insensitivity that others go through. For example, let's take walking. I like walking. I always have. But I hate walking on public roads. Why? Nothing like a bunch of little punks driving by, making cat calls. Oh sure, you can lower your head and rush home. Or you can tell them they are number 1 by giving them the good old finger salute. Or better yet, instead of the two I just gave...I tell you what you can do--smile warmly and wave back...

It reminds so much of a trip I took to Seattle this past spring with my mother, who was going to the local hospital for her arthritis treatment. Making a day out of it, we went back to the waterfront and were on our way to lunch when, from the corner of my eye, a fella (this was no gentleman, believe me) seemed to be following just a bit too close on the side my backpack hung off. He knew I was watching him...so instead of doing something nasty--as in ripping off the said pack, he smirked and said, "You have a fat ass."

At this point, I turned and looked at him. This guy was by no means, gods gift to women and probably hadn't had a good tumble since high school. I looked him dead in the eye--and believe me, this is something I have neverdone before, turned around, making sure there were many people around, and smiled sweetly. "Yes, I know I have a big ass. Thank you for pointing it out for me." and continued on.

No, I don't suggest you do this to just anyone. After all, in today's society I was probably looking for a stab or a shot. But frankly, pointing out the obvious...who was he to judge me? Does he know me?

The fairness in being overweight is not fair. It is down right cruel. One size fits all, turned in to one size fits most, clothes for bigger women are on the average $2 to $5 more than the counterpart clothes in misses and juniors. Forget anything pretty--we are stuck with things with huge flowers on it. Sorry, but I'm almost 30, not 70 or plus and have no intention of pulling out the polyester suits soon.

Manufacturers don't get it: you don't get fat through your shoulders, shoulder pads look ridiculous, I want a t-shirt, not something drawn in the middle of it. I want underwear that is is pretty--or in other words, bras come in colors and designs other than black, white, creme and underwire.

Harsh, perhaps. I am doing something about it for myself. After all, I don't intend to remain this for the next 30 years of my life. I've never had a thin day--and won't for a while...but I want to know what the hoopla is about.

So what can someone do who is reading this. Support the person. Don't try to soft-peddle the situation, don't lie. Just be there. Notice once in a while that the clothes are becoming looser.

And for pete's sake...if you are "regular" meaning that you look good, don't start complaining. Do it for you--if you have to do anything, not for anyone else.

M

March 11, 2002

Today was payday...let's hear it for the almighty paycheck! Wait, that's right. In the perfect world, I wouldn't have any bills to pay...oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

I have a lot of topic interests today--but today it is one taken right from the headlines here in Washington state.

I'm sure if you have the USA channel on cable, you may have seen a movie a year or so ago about a teacher named Mary Kay...and how she basically screwed up her four kids for life and her husband...finding pleasure in the arms of a twelve year old.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Not only did she and he have an illicit affair, it produced two children. The boys mother takes care of the two kids...hasn't paid income tax in ten years and her son is 18 and has been known to smoke weed.

Oy Vey!

Let's look at what's wrong with this picture. This woman is a teacher--entrusted to teach children right from wrong. She takes this young man under her wing--and manages to take him to bed. Wow! Imagine how her husband felt after finding that one out.

Ahem... Her excuse: we're in love, we're soul mates. So in the process you committ statatory rape on a twelve year old that is thinking, most probably, "SCORE!!! I'M DA MAN!"

So, what is my beef?

This little twit--who looks like he wouldn't hesitate to mug some old lady on the street and his mother--who apparently has no concept of work, is suing the school district this happened in because they "failed to protect him."

Excuse me? Did I miss something?

This kid was a victim of this woman in power, yes. But he knew it was wrong. For pete's sake, the woman has a son the same damn age. It isn't the school districts responsibility to monitor their teachers every second of the day...especially when some of these instances happened at night in a parked car.

If he were so worried about the repercussions: 1) he should have told someone and should have never done it again...hence the two children, 2) been wise enough to understand "protection". If the lad knows where to put it, then he knows what it is capable of and how to protect himself.

But why should the school district pay for his mistake and that of one stupid, silly teacher (oh, did I mention that mental illness played a part on her behalf, but that is another journal entry)?

I have a quick remedy for this: McDonalds. Yes. This young man needs to learn responsibility. He needs to learn a valuable trade. Apparently, mommy isnt' a good role model for son, so perhaps son can figure it out and be a good role model for his two daughters.

He made his bed. He needs to take responsbility for his actions. Those are his children. His mother needs to get off her butt and contribute something positively to society...other than having the two make money that isn't taxed.

They've had it easy obviously for too long. You sow what you reap.

And for heaven's sake--if you are in a position of power, don't screw it up and abuse it...because it will come back to haunt you.

March 12, 2002

Let's see...what should our topic of the day be today? News: hmm, didn't watch it today.

How about idiot drivers? Now there is something I can write about.

You know...I am a cautious driver. I've been backseat driving since I was about nine, so the logistics of being able to understand basic rules of driving are deeply ingrained in my mind.

Take today...Car pulls out from side street...gets in the middle lane. Cool. Then gets goes to other side of road, speeds past three cars, pulls right in front of them from far right lane, right in to the middle lane, then overshoots and has to back up to avoid being hit by other oncoming traffic. DUH!!!

I have yet to figure out if its just the drivers in this state, or if this is a nationwide phenomenon. What is the point of passing a person on a highway, cutting right in front of them, then taking the off ramp? Is there a point?

You don't get there first, you don't get there last. Pissing off people is not a good way to begin or end your day. Be responsible behind the wheel.

March 13, 2002

Niceness.

Is it possible to be too nice? Probably.

It seemed after 9/11, people were a bit friendlier. Total strangers would nod to you in passing, people weren't as aggressive on the roadways...it was nice.

But alas, it was not to last.

Yet I've come to realize something over the past few months: I'm entirely too nice. I mean, I let people go first at the supermarket, will wave people threw (or is that through? I give up) at intersections.

It seems though, for ever kind act I impart on another, there are those who take advantage of it--such as not waiting their turn at the intersection, or being glared at at the store. I don't get it.

At the heart of the matter, I think people tend to forget the basic principles of civility. Take your half out of the middle, act like you are put out if you have to wait in line.

But I do get tired of being nice. As my assistant at work says, I'm a pussy cat who will not say no to save herself. Then I end up berating myself up one side and down the other for not helping. One of my faults, if I had to name one, is being assertive. I've got a temper that can sometimes get the better of me (is that the Irish or the German...what about both...ugh, lethal combination).

Truth is, I help because I like to...mayb a natural inclination. But sometimes, the helper needs help themselves, and they are the least likely to admit that they need this. It is double-edged sword that cuts both ways.

As I approach the end of winter term and begin spring, I figure its as good as time as any to sit back, say no and keep it in mind. It's okay to say no and you know what, it is okay to not be nice. I figure, I'm shiny and happy enough most the time, I can growl and scowl with the best of them.